Satire: The Musk–Trump Breakup — and How It’s All Joe Biden’s Fault (Obviously.) Unless, Hunter's Laptop Did It!
- john raymond
- Jun 6
- 4 min read
It all began, as most things do in this never-ending carousel of political absurdity, with a Trump tantrum. One moment, Donald J. Trump—reigning king of grievance and projection—was basking in the soft glow of Elon Musk’s adoration. The next, he was attacking his former digital soulmate for a lack of loyalty, screaming into Truth Social like a man who just found out his favorite mirror was unflattering.
Yes, America, the Musk–Trump alliance appears to have shattered. And what better way to commemorate the fall of this bromantic empire than to remind ourselves that, naturally, it’s all Joe Biden’s fault. Because of course it is...
Because in the mind of Donald Trump, everything is.
But before we get to Biden—the man Trump insists is both in a coma and running a global conspiracy from a beach chair—let us pause and savor the chaotic genius of Trump’s long record of blame.
Unemployment spike? Biden's fault, from the future.
Gas prices down? Biden sabotaged the energy market.
Gas prices up? Biden really sabotaged the energy market.
The sun didn’t shine today? Biden blocked it with chemtrails.
Your Uber driver was five minutes late? Biden's open borders.
Someone said something mean about Trump on the internet? Biden’s Deep State sock puppet army.
Trump stubs his toe? Biden moved the coffee table!
This is the man who, despite being the sitting president, has managed to convince an alarming portion of the country that he is merely a victim. A fragile, helpless victim. A victim with nuclear codes, but a victim nonetheless. Trump is a billionaire by branding, an emperor by ego, and a toddler by temperament. And still, he walks around muttering “Biden did this” like a Scooby-Doo villain who just got unmasked by room-temperature IQs.
The pattern is both tragic and comedic. When Trump’s tariffs blew up the agricultural sector, it was Biden’s fault for not predicting it. When COVID ravaged the country under Trump’s first term, it was Biden’s fault for campaigning from a socially distanced garage.
And now, in Trump 2.0, as the wheels fall off the clown car again, every pothole is painted with a blue “B” and a faint smell of blame.
Which brings us to the current crisis: the Musk–Trump divorce.
This was supposed to be the alliance of the century. The space baron and the spray-tan messiah. Musk, with his rocket ships and self-driving hype; Trump, with his red hats and reality TV rage. Together, they could've launched a thousand grifts.
Elon would tweet... Trump would retweet.
Elon would post a meme of Biden as a senile cyborg. Trump would demand to be the AlphaBot Commander. It was working perfectly—until Elon, in his uniquely erratic way, realized that Trump wasn’t exactly a stable genius after all. Who knows for sure?
All we know is that is has to be Biden's fault too...
Musk began to publicly criticize Trump. Questioned his spending. Mocked his speeches. And then, the nuclear moment: Musk suggested Trump might not be the best leader for the future. And just like that, the golden boy became a traitor. Trump turned on Elon like a mob boss with a grudge and a dial-up modem. He declared Elon a fraud, a foreigner, a parasite.
(All while likely drafting a secret memo to ICE just in case he could get Elon deported.)
The whole thing, naturally, is a mess. And yet, in the twisted theology of Trumpism, there can only be one explanation:
This feud is all Biden's fault!
Of course Biden orchestrated this. Somehow, the man who can’t find the exit from a press conference managed to dismantle the Trump–Musk axis of oligarchic cringe from afar. The moment Musk hesitated in his devotion to the MAGA cause, Trump didn’t ask what he himself might have done wrong. No. He can only say, “See what Biden did to me?”
It’s beautiful, really. Like a Greek tragedy written by a Reddit thread. Elon Musk tweets something mild about the Constitution, and Trump assumes Biden sent the CIA to microchip his brain. Musk loses interest in Truth Social? Biden must’ve hacked Starlink.
The alliance collapses in a cloud of ego and confusion, and somehow Biden—sipping Ensure and blinking into the sun—is framed as the ultimate puppet master behind it all.
Because that’s the only way Trump can process disloyalty. He doesn’t lose allies—Biden steals them. He doesn’t sabotage relationships—Biden infiltrates them.
In the House of MAGA, when the lights go out and the voices start whispering, they never ask whether the boss might be at fault. They ask, why did Hunter Biden’s laptop do this to us?
So let’s be very clear: Trump was betrayed. Elon wandered. Their glorious idiocracy is on the ropes. And yet somehow you know, Joe Biden—disoriented, disliked, and de-platformed from any continued future of in American politics—did it all.
Not with brilliance. Not with cunning. But by not being there at all. He is the idiot, senile, moron who did it! He has to be!
Biden isn’t a president in Trump’s narrative. He’s a force of entropy. The absence of greatness that haunts every Trump failure. He is the ghost in the golf cart, the shadow in the ketchup stain, the whisper in the phone call that ends with Trump yelling at a dial tone. He didn’t break up Trump and Musk. He just wasn’t there to stop it. And that, in Trump’s mind, is the worst betrayal of all...
So remember, America: When billionaires cry and strongmen sulk, when rockets stop launching and social media feuds begin—there’s only one answer:
Biden did it. Even when he didn’t. And especially when, there was no way he could have done it.
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